ANiS HaDi

It’s been a week since the incident..I’m feeling lousy as my friend said but I guess there’s no turning back..Have to look forward..I’ve gotten support from the people I didnt think could give me the support I needed and I’m grateful for it..They’ve been so understanding..Even offered to advertise me..So crazy these people, hehe…Even tho I know they are just playing with me, it actually left a smile on my face..

Sent my bro for his registration yesterday..In INTEC Shah Alam..He’s taking his A-Level or something..AUSMAT course..Hopefully if he gets the rite score, he’ll be able to go to Australia and do his medical degree..Then I can go and visit him during his 5 years there..hahaha..So many young faces during the registration..All those eager faces..Remember my old days when I was supposed to do my A-Levels and fly to UK for my Accountancy degree, but I guess not my luck, coz halfway thru, had to stop the course and was thrown to Uniten to continue my degree..Or else I wud have become an overseas grad..But then again, I wont have gotten to know ‘him’..Still thinking off ‘him’..Yeah, cant help it..Everything reminds me of ‘him’..

Have to go home now..Get some rest..Not feeling that well..Dont know y I’m so tired..Work, work, work and more work..Or else whose gonna support my expenses..Like a friend of mine said, do ur work properly and honestly so that the pay u earn is ‘halal’, hehe..So long..Will rite again when interesting things happen..

After a bad day yesterday, my good sister accompanied me to Midvalley..Didnt have the mood to go jogging..Frustrated I guess..Even tho I’m smiling on the outside, it actually hurts in the inside..Let bygones be bygones..

Went window shopping since paycheck is not due yet..hehe..Have to live in budgets..Must think bout the future..Hoping I would get mouth to feeds (Kids la of course)..Plus didnt want to end up making the wrong decision..I’ve read somewhere that shopping when u r depressed is not good..So, avoid it..

After all the window shopping, felt like eating Sushi King..Dont know why, now my cravings for sushi king has gotten worst..B4 this tak penah pun..Now at least once a month mesti nak mkn..The california rolls, their the best..But ye lah, kinda expensive for a days meal..Luckily cravings tak every day, mcm org ngandung lak, hehe..Normally I bring them back home since I dont know any of my friends yg suka makan sushi..Luckily my sister was kind enuff to accompany me…So, in return for her good deed I paid for the sushi, my treat….Easy to say, all my family suka bangat makan sushi..Even sushi yg jual kat carrefour tuh..My dad, everytime dia dtg KL, mesti take away sushi to bring back to Ktn, even for a one day visit, mesti singgah carrefour..hehe…Talking bout them makes me realize how I miss them so much..

Encountered something that shud not have been a shock to me, something I predicted would happen one day and finally, it did today..Somehow, it still made my heart ache so bad..While confiding to my sister bout it, suddenly tears came streaming down my cheek..How can I be so weak when it comes to this..I shud be strong, there’s nothing I could have done to change what had happened..I tried my best to work things out in hopes that it would be better but seems that there’s no turning back..Nothing I do could change anything..

Luckily I got my sister, my family, my good friend Mal and my friends to support me all the way…I dont blame anyone totally for what had happened, I know it was partly my fault…I tried my best but I guess my best wasnt enuff…Probably it was never meant to be..I dont regret everything that had happened, all the sweet memories..I do cherish them all, what I regret the most is what it had made me become..If I was ever to live it again, I mite do certain things differently but it did really teach me a lot…Now I have to start all over again, finding ways for things to be possible, regaining what I have left behind..Its hard but I’m hoping people I meet along the way, the ones I currently have and the ones I left behind wont judge me differently and accept the new me, a soul finding a new path in which, it wishes to lead…InsyaAllah..

After jogging yesterday, went back home just in time for half an hour of Charmed..It was the last season for Charmed as it ended happily with Phoebe being married to Coop, a cupid (who is a hunk and very tall, haha)..Piper reunited with Leo after his disappearance..Paige living happily with Henry..And most of all, how their lives are with children and grandchildren who inherited their powers and survived the attacks of warlocks and demons..Wish it wasnt over that soon but I guess there’s no more stories to tell since at that time, Piper was already so old..Who knows..

What saddens me most is that it was also the last season for North Shore..It was a happy ending tho, where all the couples were either reunited or their love for each other were stronger..Whats frustrates me tho is that, even tho Jason and his gf got married, he ended up being killed by a bomb placed in his car..Luckily his gf didnt get on it..But if it were u, u have just taken vows to live with ur man no matter what, in sickness and in health, rich or poor till death do u part, would u prefer being inside the car, dead with him or outside the car, watching him die..Cane, blh jawab??..Sedeynya..Dunno whether they’ll continue with the series but from my research in the website (wah, buat research siap, hehe) seems like thats the end of it..Really enjoyed it tho..Get to see paradise even tho havent got the chance to go there yet..One day..One at a time..I’ll get there..How I wish (Deep down inside)…

Got back from ktn yesterday at 7pm..Since today is a working day, after dropping off my cousin at his hse and sending my mothers amanah to my grandmother, hurried off back home..Really wanted to unpack my stuff and get ready to watch "Gol & Gincu : The Series"..hehe..

Once I reached my apartment, while I was taking out my bags from the car, I suddenly realised that I couldn’t find my hse keys..I searched everywhere for it, even in my car in case it fell from my handbag..But to no luck..So I called my sister, who so happens, did not follow me back to KL..She finally told me that my keys were with her..Felt like shouting my heart out..But what can I do..There’s no use of getting angry..Since I didnt have the keys to my hse and I was so tired from the 3 hour drive to KL, had to drive back from Kajang to my grandmother’s hse in Melawati to spend the nite..Luckily I had spare office clothes to wear today but had to borrow my aunties’ shirt and kain batik for the nite, hehe..Today, I have to meet my cousins husband in Putrajaya, who is going to pass me my hse keys, which my father passed to him yesterday since his bus from Ktn was at 1am..Thank God, there is someone who could pass me my hse keys, or else I’d have to meet my auntie who is working in Bentong to get them from her and Bentong is like 1 hour drive from KL..What a waste of petrol..Even worst, if there was no relatives working in KL and Bentong, have to buy new clothes to go to work..What a good reason to go shopping..Hahaha..

Got a new haircut today..Actually wanted to do it yesterday but due to unavoidable circumstances (to long to tell), had to forward it today..Normally, my visit to the hairdresser would just be to trim my hair..But felt like doing something different..Plus, the haircut was only RM3..It was done by a student..Had to grab the opportunity..Not often do I get to have a haircut for only that price..The cheapest I can get in KL is RM10….Cant complain much can I..Thats Y when they suggested that I use a junior stylist, I refused coz, dont wanna pay extra when I can get 3 haircuts for the price of a junior stylist..Besides, I’m wearing tudung anyways, who’s gonna see how my hair looks like, hehehe..

I know, its not a big deal, going for a haircut but for me it is..To tell u the truth, during my primary school years, as I was studying in a Methodist girls school, our hair must be short..It’s either you have it short or you have to tie it up in a bun..Since it would take ages for my hair to grow long enuff to tie it into a bun, the only option was to chop it off..haha..And after every visit to the hairdresser, my parents would hear whining, sulking and even tears from me..Thats how bad I felt after losing my hair..

As I grew older and the need for me to have short hair no longer exist, the whining stops as I can enjoy my hair as long as I want it to be..haha..That is why, my visit to the hairdresser would only be to trim my hair..As I can recall, the last time I had my hair short was while I was doing A-Levels in Kolej Mara Banting..Cant recall why I wanted it but at that time, it felt really great..Ringan je rasa..hehe..But then after my haircut today..waaa..Sob,sob… Rasa nak nangis, when I saw the girl cutting my very thick hair into layers (That was what I requested)..I still kept it at the same length but not as thick as before..The feeling of regret suddenly rushed into me..Why did I ask her to cut it..Mite as well leave it as it is and just trim it a bit..But what to do, dah potong pun..Have to wait until it gets longer and see the results..If I’m not satisfied with the results, then I can return back to my usual hairstyle..

On the way back from the hairdresser, my youngest sister had to listen to my whining on whether my hair was too short, comparing with other ppls hairstyle as they pass by and whether my hair was shorter than theirs..I know its a terrible habit but cant help it if I have extra love for my hair..haha..Have been keeping it for like 8 years..Since someone dear to me prefers me with long hair..And that was something good for me as I get to keep it long..Waaa..Got back home and showed it to my mum and even she said my hair looks thinner..Takpelah mak, nanti rambut dah panjang, tak nak potong layer dah..Nyesal!!

Hopefully, it grows longer in a few weeks time..Bye2 dearest hair..Gonna miss u…

Took a test today..A test that would qualify me to the next level to become a teacher..Boy was it hard..I have myself to blame..Didnt make an effort to study earlier..Maths was the toughest part for me to do..It’s not that I’m not good at it..It’s just that I’ve left it for like almost 10 years..The simple ones wasnt a problem to me, only the ones that I dont encounter in my daily routine as a banker..Purata had laju lah..Set lah..Areas..N even some algebra Q’s..haha..Meaning almost all except the plus, minus, times and divide..But that also required some amount of time coz I normally do it using the calculator..I felt so stupid..How can I not know how to do Maths..I used to be very good at it..Scored A1 for SPM..I even had to ask my sister to teach me..

Probably given more time, to study and to answer the Q’s, I could have done better..I had to finish 30 Q’s in 30 mins..Imagine that..Maybe becoz I was paying too much attention on answering 1 Q until I get the answer that I didnt notice the time moving fast..I was supposed to use only 1 min for each Q..How could I be so careless..What to do, its all done with..Just have to wait for the results..But thankfully, Maths wasnt the only Q..There were English Q’s, Q’s that test our characters, analytical and verbal (Malay Language, I guess)..Praying for the best..

Previously, during the interview for my current job, we also had to take this kind of test but we were allowed to use a calculator..Furthermore, it was a bit advanced as we had to use a software on the computer..So, it was paperless..Ez.. But then just now, I had to do the same thing I use to do during my school years..Filling the OMR form..haha..I guess the govts’ are not that advanced yet..Its impossible for them to cater this type of facility for all the candidates applying for a govt job..Mati lah dorg, kan..hehe..Dahlah, malas nak pikir..If it was meant to be, it will..For the time being, continue seeking other alternatives to secure a job near my hometown..Hoping for the best..

My superior was on leave yesterday, so i had the opportunity to go back early and go for a jog..Really felt great..Its been a long time since I went for a jog and breathe the cool fresh air..However, jog yesterday was alone..My usual jogging partner was on leave but it doesnt mean I cant jog without her rite..Talk about being an independent woman, hehehe..Sorry mal..So, did two rounds of nonstop running around KLCC park..I know, that not so good but thats what I can manage..Dont want to do more than I could coz I mite end up spraining my ankle or something..Just need to do it constantly..30 mins of jogging is considered good u know..It’s already what u need to keep being healthy..

While waiting for my sister (coz she was out with friends and we would be going back home together), I read thru this article again from Christian Carter titled Being the Woman a Man wants to commit To..It was interesting..He was explaining how girls normally do the wrong things that makes a man run away from them..Such as being overprotective, always starting an argument and takes the opposite perspective of things and always doing favours for the other person in hope of gaining something more from the relationship..Another eg. is a person who has conflicting emotions, where at first they act as tho the relationship was something casual but when treated the way they wanted it to be, suddenly they want something else..These are all referring to an uncool person..

Whilst a cool person refers to someone whose always wanted by other ppl and be comfortable with, someone whose always on other ppls mind when gatherings are held, someone where ppl can be really open around them and she knows how to act in every single situation whether it being when the person is sad or happy or mad about something, they would always come up with a good response in any situation so ppl are comfortable in sharing a part of their lives with them..

This cool and uncool concept could refer to both male and females..It doesnt mean that only women have to be uncool ones..U can trust me when I say, there are some guys out there, not all, are also so unCOOL..hehe, No offence guys, men and women nowadays are equal..

His advise to these uncool ppl is to master these 4 things..Being independent in ur thots, being comfortable without "control", being "present" and finally, observing ur emotions..

Basically, what it means is that..For the first one, the description of being dependent is when, you lean on others and look to them for approval, ask what they think before making a decision and mostly your feelings tend to depend on what others feel and think of you..But when being INDEPENDENT, u lean back, do things because YOU decide u wanted to, u don’t ask others what they think - instead u decide for urself that u are fine walking away from ur friends for a while when u’re out, and ur feelings are controlled by what YOU think, not
what others think or feel…Ur most comfortable in doing ur own thing, and
enjoying whatever happens because that’s what u want, to enjoy urself no matter what..

The second one, being comfortable without "control".. A person who isn’t so deeply ATTACHED to each and every immediate outcome, on the other hand,
takes things as they come, and handles them calmly as part of everyday life..When you are ATTACHED to the outcome of a situation so strongly, that it makes you want to control the way another person thinks or feels, it often makes you act crazy… On the other hand, when you’re comfortable with not CONTROLLING the outcome to be exactly what you want in that moment, and you know that the world is bigger than what you’re focusing on, it makes
you MAGNETIC…Remember, comfort in the face of uncertainty is the
ultimate way to show a LACK of insecurity in life..

The third part, being "present"..There’s nothing more INTOXICATING to one partner when its significant other knows how to get them out of their head, and their "rational" thinking, and draw them into being close and emotionally connected…Any significant other who can do this WITHOUT pushing the partner to get there with them, or complaining when they r not as quick to respond as they’d like, have an even bigger advantage when it comes to the partner wanting to spend their time with them…It’s called being "present"…Things are happening so fast, and u’re so completely immersed in what u’re doing, that a few extraordinary things happen without you having to "try"..

Finally is observing ur emotions..Most uncool people don’t naturally attract others to want to be around them and are not very good at managing THEIR OWN emotions…This means getting to a place where u are CONSCIOUS of how ur emotions work and knowing urself well enough to separate the intense emotions inside u from the events of the outside world and your own behavior…That way you have a CHOICE about what to do with ur emotions…In a sense, this is one of the greatest purposes and goals in life - to figure out how to have the emotional experiences you dream of…If you can first get yourself to the place where you’re comfortable and confident with your creating your own emotional experience, and having it be the kind of experience ur partner will want to share, then you’ll find that taking things to the next level with ur partner will be about 10 times easier..You have to learn how to be comfortable and get to a place on your own where you make others feel comfortable being with you, at any time..

So guys, if u can master all these 4 things, u can actually get someone u like to probably have more interest towards u and finally notice u..Being the COOL person that everyone wants to be with, that could even make the person u like to feel left behind if their not part of ur life..So are u up to it? I know, its easier said than done, but there’s no harm in trying..Probably we can share with each other if it finally works out..hehe..See ya..

Yesterday was a heavenly sunday..My parents were on their way to a relatives wedding, but my sister and I didnt go along coz they were heading off straight back to Kuantan..So, both of us stayed at home after being away from it for so long..Plans were made in advance by my sister with her friends and at the last minute, all of it were cancelled coz both of us were so tired..Plus, home needed a bit of a cleaning..

Got the chance to watch the rerun of a few of my favourite TV shows..Not staying at home made me miss them..Normally on Tuesday, I wont miss a marathon of Charmed, The OC and North Shore..And once in a while, I get to watch Grey’s Anatomy, either a rerun or the scheduled one on Wednesday or Thursday, cant recall..

So, yesterday’s series of Grey’s Anatomy was particularly interesting..There was 4 parts of it..

First, was about George, who got rashes after making out with one of the nurses..He was so worried bout it and didnt know what to do..Came up to Alex and asked him what it was..He even showed it to him, haha..So Alex told him that he had syphilis..To confirm it, George went for a blood test..And the results proved it true..While looking at the results, Izzie kinda got to see the blood test results and finally told him to be honest to the girl..She told him that the girl probably caught it from some other guy..He was a bit scared to confront her at first but went thru with it..He told the girl that he got syphilis..The girl was shocked and just ran away..And rumour went around that there was other staffs in the hospital who was infected by spyhilis so, every staff of the hospital had to do check ups..

Then, there was the Chief of Surgery named Richard, who wasnt feeling quite well and after a few test, he discovered that he had tumor..To keep it confidential, he ask Derek, who did the test for him to set up a secret team to perform an operation to get rid of the tumor..The risk was that he could become blind..Fortunately, after the surgery, everything turned out fine and he kinda saw the intimacy between Meredith and Derek..He advised her to not get involved with co-workers..But Meredith was finally glad that her secret was out in the open..

And then third, there was Burke’s friend who was diagnosed to have an ovari..I find it hard to believe but there it was..So when Burke told his friend, his friend was worried but when Burke asked him how he was, he was actually fine with it since his wife was carrying his baby..At first I thot that was possible but then there was this scene between him and the wife arguing that she shud tell her husband the truth that the baby wasn’t his..Hmm..But the wife refused..She didnt want to ruin their happy marriage but to Burke, he told her that his husband had and needed to know the truth..It wasn’t fair for him and for the baby..He finally stressed to her that as a friend, he would not tell him but as a doctor, it was his obligation to tell his patient the truth..

The fourth part was about this old man whose stomach was suddenly bloated..After a few test, it was discovered that he had liquids in his stomach so they had to pump it out..While doing it, suddenly they lost him..They werent satisfied and wanted to do an autopsy..However, the mans family refused..To make things worst, they did it anyways..Miranda was so mad but she went thru with it when Izzie and Cristina discovered something from the autopsy..

In the end, Meredith found out that Derek actually had a wife or a relationship with someone else..Burke confronted his best friend and told him the sad news..As for George, the nurse came up to him and told him that she actually had a relationship with another doctor in the hospital but she ended it when she felt really comfortable with George..To his dismay, she told him that she had a relationship with Alex and he was so mad that he punched Alex and a fight began changing room but other ppl in the room managed to calm them down..While for the old man, it turns out that the old man had some kind of disease and it was genetic..They told his daughter that its better to do an early test to make sure they get rid of it before it becomes critical..So, they agreed and Izzie and Cristina got away with what they did..

What I learnt from this series is that, it’s best to get ur secret out in the open but u must be prepared for the consequences..No matter how hard it is, its better and fairer for everyone involved..Tho its going to hurt many hearts and feelings, sooner or later, the truth will prevail and no matter what u do at that point of time would have already affected the people involved..So, if u have a secret, think carefully before keeping one and before letting it out in the open coz no matter what u decide, make sure of the consequences of it to ur loved ones and people dear to ur heart..U never know, something good might come out of letting ur secret out in the open..

It makes me wonder..Hmm..Shud I or shud I not??

Till then..

Just got back to work today after 3 days of leave..And as usual, loads of work to do but I managed to clear my desk and it seemed like I had no work pending, hehe (I wish)..Once I entered the office, my big boss was already commenting that he thot I wasnt going to come to the office..If only I could..

To tell u the truth, I was actually due back to KL yesterday but as my dad was called back due to an urgent meeting, the holiday was cut short..So, didnt get to go to Thailand..Or else, my relatives who were staying there cud have taken us to Thailand on the day we left to KL..Sob, sob..What to do, have to take a rain check and visit Thailand next time..The funny thing was, on Friday, while I was about to do my Asar prayers, suddenly remembered that I forgot to bring my passport, so I called my bro to pick it up at home..Once I reached my grandma’s house (since we were supposed to depart to Kedah from there), my mum told me that she also forgot to bring hers and my other two siblings passport..Pergh..I thot, I was the forgetful one, hehe..But then again, tho I brought my passport, didnt get the chance to go anyways..Next time then..

Trip to Alor Setar was considered ok..Alor Setar was a bit behind on the development phase..Kuantan is much more developed than Alor Setar but as my bro quotes it, it got to be ‘Bandaraya’ becoz of its population..Reached there around 2am..We stayed at Grand Continental coz it was already booked by one of my dads ppl..He was actually playing for the VIP Golf tournament but dont ask me the results, hehe..Probably due to lack of sleep, hehe..The hotel was so, so but I’ve seen worst, hehe (Masa kecik2 pegi tour KL with primary school friends, still remember the hotel)..To compare it with Mandarin Oriental, of course the difference was huge..We kinda made fun of it too, from Mandarin Oriental to Grand Continental..But what to do, it was sponsored by the ppl my father worked with, so had to accept it..Luckily we get to experience all this, unlike some ppl who dont even get the opportunity to stay in a decent hotel..So, we’re actually grateful for it..As for Mandarin Oriental also, we wudnt even have the chance to stay there if not becoz of the job my dad landed that provided us with the luxury of staying in such a hotel..

During our stay, we visited the famous Pekan Rabu..Things were not that cheap…Most of the price quoted were quite the same as the ones in KL but then again, probably becoz it was one of the main attractions there, so ppl tend to quote higher price for things..My mum bought a few things there that was ordered by her friends..As usual, I normally accompany her when she does her shopping..Didnt want her to walk alone..She kinda likes to ask my advise on things, so being the eldest, I feel its my responsibility to tend to her wants and needs, whenever I’m available..

Went to Menara Alor Setar on Monday..The view was breathless..Got to see all the paddy fields surrounding Alor Setar itself..It was amazing..Took a few photo’s with the whole family but cudnt get the view in it..And as usual, a visit to the shopping mall is a must..There were two shopping malls there, one was below Holiday Inn (dont recall the name), while the other one was Star Parade..Hmm, things sold there were not that pricy considering the fact that it was not the kind of supermarket we have in KL..But still they were eye catching..Got my eye on a few things but didnt manage to buy it coz was to late in deciding whether I shud purchase it or not, hehe..Budget! Budget!Did buy a necklace and a jacket in the other shopping mall tho, hehe..Cant help it, was such a bargain..Excuses, hehe..

Finding a decent place to eat was also quite hard..Of course our only option was to go where we saw a lot of ppl eating there..So, we ate at the Stadium as there were many stalls there and there were a lot of ppl eating there too..And also at Pekan Rabu as it was near our hotel…Didnt want to wander around clueless to find a place to eat..Next time, need to check out interesting spots to eat in Alor Setar..

We got back to KL on Tuesday..It was rainy that day plus my dad was in a hurry coz he had a meeting in KL at 4pm…So didnt get the chance to make a last trip to the shops there..What the heck, theres always next time..

When we reached KL, we checked in straight into the hotel..My dad headed off to his meeting while my mum took a rest for a while before we went down for lunch cum dinner..After lunch, dozed off for a while and woke up when my bro from Melaka arrived and hurried us to go for karaoke..He had a ticket for a one hour free visit..We reached the place around 12 and had to wait coz there were no rooms available..Once his name was called, we went into the room and sang our hearts out..It was so fun..This was the first time all of us were together for karaoke..Before this, its either my sister was in London or my smallest sister was not in KL or my bro’s were in Melaka and Kuala Kangsar…All not in KL while I was the only loyal KL resident, hehe…We laughed at each other, made funny remarks to each other and sang together..I really really enjoyed it..Hope we can do it again sometime..

The next day, the whole family went to have lunch together and we stopped by at my grandma’s hse to pick up the clothes we left before the journey to Alor Setar..At nite, my dad, my mum, my sisters and me went to the gym together and fully utilise the equipments there..Will be doing it again today so have to finish work fast and go back to the hotel..Not often do I get the chance to enjoy a trip to the gym at nite coz normally I have to get to the car before it gets dark (if I use the office gym)..So dont want to waste this opportunity..Till I write again..Soon…